Monday, April 16, 2012

Stepping Outside The Comfort Zone

Dating Non-Asian Women......

Masir Jones over at the Destroy & Rebuild blog just posted a piece in which he notices the "cliquish" behaviour of some Asian-American women, in particular how so many of them just don't seem open to being approached by Asian men. I agree with everything he wrote, but I will say that women of all races - if they are out with a group of girlfriends - will more or less act in a similar manner. There does, however, seem to be a major difference between Asian-American girls and non-Asian-American girls that I think partially explains this experience that Asian men seem to have of feeling made to jump over higher hurdles than, let's say, white men, perhaps.

Of course, it is bizarre that white, Hispanic, and black women might seem to be more open to being approached by Asian men than would Asian-American women (in my experience, non-Asian women are definitely more open to Asian men) and most often the reasons given for this state of affairs places a good portion of the blame on Asian cultures and Asian men themselves.

Whatever the reasons, the one factor that is common to every instance of Asian men's interactions with the opposite sex is that the Asian man is going up against the weight of cultural stereotyping that denigrates, ridicules, and demeans him. Any woman who dates, or marries, an Asian man in this society is swimming against a current of cultural certainty that Asian men are the worst option or simply dysfunctional in some way. And this I think, offers an explanation for why non-Asian women would seem more open to Asian men.

It might be cultural factors or simply result of racially toned marginalization from mainstream society, but when it comes to going against the current of public opinion, it seems that non-Asian women are the leaders. It seems natural, therefore, that non-Asian women would be more inclined to go against the group or clique when approached by Asian men.

This is an important point for Asian men simply because American culture has rendered Asian men so completely invisible and irrelevent that it takes partners who are strong and wise enough to see through the bullshit to take the time with us. It is the rebels and those who value the prerogative of the individual over the opinions of the group who are open to Asian men. And that is a very good thing.


  1. I came across your blog and found it to be very interesting.

    I have to say I'm an Asian American woman and I love Asian men. But I totally see what you mean. My sisters both married Caucasian. They think Asian men are too sensitive. And I have other girlfriends that won't date Asian because they think all they do is drink and gamble.

    I have dated Caucasian, African American, and Asian. Give me and Asian guy, not only are they good looking but I've found that being first generation American, it's easier to find an Asian guy that can relate to me especially when it comes to my family.

  2. Hi Anonymous,

    Welcome and thanks for your comment. Sadly, the relationship between Asian men and women is possibly the most culturally manipulated by American society - what should be the most normal thing in the world (two people of the same background dating or marrying each other)has become something that people shy away from or vehemently reject.