Monday, May 9, 2011

Angry Asiance Men and Dumb Asiance Women.

A Marriage Made In Heaven. 

Along with nasty viruses that mangle your computer, encountering unabashed expressions of stupidity ranks, in my opinion, as two of the major hazards of internet surfing. The freedom to disseminate and receive information that is afforded us by internet access, carries with it the inevitable hazard of disseminating stupidity on a stupendously grand scale. In fact, as this Asiance article illustrates, the internet has almost become a showcase for respectably veneered stupidity.

As you can see, the article addresses the subject of Asian men's supposed angry reactions to Asian women who date outside of their race. Now, I've been around the internet enough to know that the Asian-American Interracial Dating Disparity illicits some of the most passionate and angry reactions from both men and women. Yet, away from the internet, there doesn't seem to be as much conflict or debate about the subject, which leads me to wonder if the supposed anger of Asian men is somewhat exaggerrated - after all, as I've already suggested, the internet does tend to bring out the stupid and the crazy in people.

If there is any truth to the rumour I'll admit that I don't really care for it. For some reason, I find it hard to muster anything beyond indifference when I see or read about Asian women with white men. This has been a positive thing.

I've come to realize that for many Asian-American women who date outside their race (i.e, white men) the belief in the existence of an Angry Asian Boogey Man who opposes their choice is as essential to their identity as is the dating choice itself. What this means is that true or not, real or fantasy, the stereotype of an Angry Asian Boogey Man must be perpetuated in order to somehow give the dating choice more profound meaning than it might have if the stereotype didn't exist. After all, the idea of overcoming obstacles for love is very enticing, even though the Asian female/white male pairing is and has been the easiest racial barrier to cross for over half a century - maybe even longer - and required little or no activism or struggle to achieve.

I've experienced this in my own life. I have encountered Asian women who have tried to pin the Angry Asian Boogey Man label on me, even though my only reaction to their dating choice has been indifference - sorry, but I just couldn't care less. Even after giving every indication and message that, no, I just don't care about you or who you're dating, some Asian women seemed to need to maintain the belief that I am, or have been, pre-occupied with their dating choices. The Angry Asian Boogey Man stereotype seems to be largely a myth that is required in order to give what is ultimately the mundane act of dating a white man, a more important purpose than it actually might possess - almost like emulating Martin Luther King by dating white dudes. So, just for the record, I - just like tens of thousands of Asian-American men - can't muster the interest to be angry at the dating lives of strangers - especially if they're as seemingly dumb as the lady who wrote the Asiance article.

It's time for Asian women to let go of the tired myth that insists that Asian men are are obsessed with their dating lives - we're not. There are other ways to give their relationships meaning than to believe the myth that anonymous Asian men are out to destroy their dating activism.

And Angry Asian Boogey Men, let it go...........that is, if you really exist.


  1. we'll never relent in our pursuit of tagging every last one of them sellouts!

    in fact, we won't go to work, eat or sleep and constantly obsess over AF getting stuffed into research lab walls.

    not even when there are many beautiful women of other races who would love to give us the time of day and have great conversations will we stop to stalk all AF dating whiteys to prevent them from being stuffed into kitty litter.

    that's genuine concern and love from the crazed Boogey Asian man.


  2. Are there angry asian men who get bent out of shape when they see AF/WM?

    Yeah, I've met quite a few in person. I don't count the Internet, because the Net just gives you a very distorted version of the world. You'd think there were racist pedophiles everywhere.

    Anyway, I can remember 3 guys who fit the angry asian man descrip. One guy had a gorgeous girlfriend who reminded me of an even prettier version of Joan Chen in her prime. And yet this dude was still bitching about all the AF/WM pairings he was seeing.

    Another guy would chew out Asian women in public. He knew Japanese (since his girlfriend was Japanese), so whenever he saw a Japanese girl with a white guy, he'd chew them out in Japanese.

    But I get what you're saying, Ben. People want to apply this angry Asian man stereotype to ALL Asian men. In reality, I think most Asian men don't give a shit unless the girl's hot or if the girl starts proclaiming in public she doesn't date Asian men.

  3. Crazed....

    I spoke too soon!!


    I stand corrected! But I still think that some Asian women would feel lost without the angry asian boogey man!

  4. If some Asian women are projecting the angry Asian man stereotype on Asian men, then I think it is partly due to feeling guilty about "selling out."

    Now that doesn't mean every AF w/ a WM is self-hating sellout, but I'm sure it's annoying to have that nagging feeling that you're a walking cliche.

  5. @James: speaking for the crazed angry Asian Boogey Men of America (yes we do have organizational meetings), I have to say that I spend every waking moment obsess over the next "Auntie Tan" novel, or those or her successors like Lisa See and sit in the back of the room with sunglasses and a baseball cap at their readings.

    @James: it's beyond cliche. anybody with the slightest sense of history would have encountered colonial history. however, all you see in the movies are footbinding stories: SNOW FLOWER AND THE SECRET FAN! lol

  6. James...

    Hahaha! There's that too!

  7. When a white female dates a black male, the white man's reaction, "she's dating a black man," is code for "she's ostracized from our circle and dead to us."

    Could it be that because Asian men are repressed from saying what they really want to say about the issue, it perpetuates the high rate interracial dating among Asian females?

    Do white men look downward among white females who date black men? Absolutely, I've seen this sort of ostracization happen. When an Asian female dates a white male, Asian men are expected to shut up about it and keep quiet, and silence is defeat.

    Is it a bad thing to be labelled as angry? When it's justified anger at a real demographic problem, I think Asian men should be angry, but they are afraid to speak out against it, and those who do are shunned and torn down.

  8. Dali

    I actually think that the IR disparity is indicative of many things - some (or even most) of which we should be openly speaking about since it reflects some negative things in American society, I don't deny that.

    But how well do we voice or conceptualize these issues? I think that the kind of Asian Boogey Man approach that I alluded to in the post is a poor response to the very real issues suggested by the disparity.

    I'll expand my thoughts on this şn a future post.

  9. Of course the Asian Boogey Man Approach (tm) would be very politically incorrect and chastised. There are more subversive ways of attacking the problem.

  10. I don't let Asian women like this phase me anymore. Its funny when I look back, but I used to get really emotional about it. Then one day, I apologized to the world, admitted that I was being bitter and *POOF* my feelings of angst vanished. Now, that being said I still stand with my Asian-American brothers but in a different manner. I believe that AA males need to improve their Game plain and simple. If you want the best, you have to challenge yourself to be better. You can't deny Greats such as Park Ji Sung and Manny Pacquanio or Bruce Lee no matter what the media says. Why?

    Because actions speak louder than words. Practice, practice, practice. And when you have enough of those who outperform, nobody can deny the reality that a certain individual or group is good at something.

    So my take on it is, 1) point out the ignorance. Done. 2) Now, figure out the next steps. It's all about making progress. Done enough of #1. Let's all focus on #2.

    And btw, in CA I see a ton of Asian males dating White females or Hot Asian females. (Yes, I have one of them that all men stare at because she's cute and stacked). Let's all take some personal responsibility and help improve the Game for all of us.

  11. Came across your site inadvertently, but upon reading this post, thought I would throw in 2 cents. I'm a female - half white, half latino with an attraction towards Asian men. Maybe it started with all of those cheesy Hong Kong movies with hot Chinese men when I was a kid, I don't know that's not the point. Point is, if what you say is true about "stepping up your game" - then I would agree. I see plenty of hot Asian guys and I DO assume they aren't interested because 9 times out of 10 - they DON'T SAY ANYTHING. Not even a shy smile. So yea, Asian guys? Get in the groove because you're hot! 'nuff said.

  12. Hi Masir

    Sorry for the loooonnng delay in responding to your comment - I've been travelling alot this past month! Thanks for stopping by.

    You have an awesome attitude - that's exactly what Asian men need to project if we want our lot in life to change.

    Hi anonymous

    Welcome to the blog and I'm glad you like us! We like you too!

  13. Didn't mean for the post to be Anonymous - you know how blogger gets? I thought it didn't go through, either. lol. Glad it did! Stupid captcha's and the drop down menu's.

  14. I invite you to read "Why Doug Loves Ting" in or better yet, my book, TING AND I: A MEMOIR OF LOVE, COURAGE, AND DEVOTION, for this white man's side of the story.

  15. Hello Douglas

    Welcome to my blog and thank you for your comment. That is a very touching essay, and I applaud your devotion and marital longevity. My only pause is that you would choose an asinine platform like Asiance to display such good writing!

    On a more serious note, as you will know, the era in which you describe meeting your wife was extremely volatile for inter-racial relationships, and I'm glad to hear that inter-racial pairings from that period were able to succeed. I think that an estimated 600-1000 African men were lynched between 1920 and 1960, some of whom were killed because they had been involved in illegal relationships with white women.

    There is an old book that I always recommend to people who might have an interest in Asian-Americans, and that is "America Is In The Heart" by Carlos Bulosan written in 1946 (maybe you already know it). But the book is interesting because it describes, almost in passing, the experiences of the mixed children of Filipino men and Caucasian women in America of the 1920's and 1930's. Because these pairings were feared by white mainstream America, they were often attacked or harassed in the streets and, unbelievably, some of these Filipino men were lynched because of it.

    Consequently, these white women were unable to take their part Asian kids to school, the store, or even just to the park, because they, and their kids, might have been killed.

    I think that much of this history is uncomfortable for 21st century sensibilities and consequently it is not remembered. So, what we are left with, particularly with regards to the historical gender peculiarities of Asian-Americans, is fundamentally, the white man's story. I think that it has and does get told from the white man's perspective most of the time - hence the propagation of the Angry Asian Man Myth.