Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Five Little Words

Shit Asian Girls Say to Asian Men

A commenter (mwei) linked to this video that made me cackle! Enjoy......

I think that most Asian guys living in America have been told all or most of these things by some Asian girl or another at some point in their lives. I've had this experience twice and both times the girls involved embarrassed themselves more than they bothered me.

The first time this happened I was on a road trip and had stopped at a 711 type store, somewhere in Houston. As I came out I noticed an Asian girl walking in. Since she was also Asian I presumed that she wouldn't mind helping a brother with directions. LOL. As I got closer and as I said "Excuse me" she turned her nose up and said "I like white guys" and brushed past me. Then an older white dude who I hadn't noticed walking just behind her asked me if I needed something and so I asked him for the directions. He seemed happy to help me. Funny thing was, he turned out to be her partner or friend and seemed embarrassed by her behaviour and was actually decent enough to fuss at her for being rude. She blushed and blinked sheepishly.

The second time this happened was even more bizarre. A white girl I was dating had an uncle in his fifties who had recently married an Asian-American girl of 26, and he thought it would be a good idea to to have my girlfriend and I over for dinner since there was this "Asian connection thingy". Well it wasn't a good idea. Apparently, he hadn't told his wife that I was Asian - I think he wanted to surprise her with how progressive his family was - so guess what she said when she saw me? That's right, as I reached out my hand to greet her she said something like "I like white guys!" and then looked at me with confusion (who knows why she was confused - even more importantly, who cares?). I looked over at my girlfriend and then at her uncle and I could see that they were wearing the same tight, mirthless, smile that I knew was spread across my face. Anyways, it was an uncomfortable night, with a lot of tight smiles, fake mutual interest, and disingenuous calls to "do it again sometime". But at least the food seemed authentic.

Hope you enjoyed the video and it made you laugh. That is one of the first steps in getting passed this IR disparity thing - laugh at people like that, then ignore them, and finally find a voice that makes you a shaper of the culture that brought about the situation that makes people ashamed and embarrassed to be with others of their own race.

I don't write (or even think) about the IR disparity with anger because I just don't care who people date or marry. And I think that the endless discussions about it do little to change the situation and may, in fact, harm the community because all the other issues that we face receive far less attention or even passion than this one subject. The fact is, you can't change people, you just can't and the more you tell people that something is bad or not to your liking, then the more they will want to do it. Yet, there is no doubt that if a situation exists within a society in which it is considered shameful, undesirable, or embarrassing to date or marry others like yourself then there is something seriously wrong.

But that doesn't mean we should set out on pointless rants at individuals because that changes nothing  - remember it is almost impossible to convince someone out of something that they believe. You can't force an alcoholic into sobriety, and you can't force someone who has been inculcated with demeaning stereotypes about their race to not feel shame about their race. People cannot and will not be changed according to someone else's will.

I think it is actually far easier to change a culture than to change an individual, and if you do want individuals to agree your way of thinking, then it is their culture that you have to change because people follow the trends of their culture. If you let yourself be dragged down into the dialog of the IR disparity and the flighty choices of Asian quasi-feminism then you're allowing the society that demeans you to dictate your voice and purpose. Even worse, you are giving too much voice and influence to people who have little to say other than "I only date white guys". Airheads have the most influential voices in our community because everyone reacts to those five little words. It's no wonder Asians catch a lot of shit.


  1. Thanks, bro!

    I wholeheartedly agree that to begin to heal means we got to be able to laugh about it. I'm also on the same wavelength in that I don't care about it as much as when I was younger.

    AM should go seek happiness with women of all ethnic backgrounds and not limit their options. Just be our awesome selves and women will notice.

    The media puts us down because it knows we AM are awesome and is afraid that women will find this out and flock to us in droves. lol

    1. That's right! I don't mean to sound too Zen(!), but there is power in letting go.

  2. LOL funny stories Ben. Maybe someday I'll draw a comic strip about the directions one.

    Maybe I'm just young and angsty, but... I still hate what it represents. The women that for one reason or another, always seem to belittle her Asian brothers because of some personal issues she's never overcome, the Asian player who will never date a female Asian because of aforementioned group (what's with all the hate?), and last but not least, the white guy with yellow fever- especially the fat horny middle-aged loser. I have a few of those customers and they are creepy as hell. (Quit hitting on my coworkers! You're like twice their age!)

    I remember when I first started working in pharmacy, there was this old Vietnam War Vet that stared at me like he hated me so much and I just looked at him confused and asked "Sir, can I help you with anything?" He replied by telling me he "Killed my dad in Nam." I was shocked because the place I was working at was HALF A MILE AWAY FROM WHERE I LIVED and I lived in a predominantly Asian area. His wife came by with his groceries right after and *what a surprise* she was Vietnamese. If I heard that now, I would have apologized for my father fucking him up so bad he couldn't get a white girl.

    Sorry. Had to vent out a little.

    1. Tommy

      Vent away! Do you have any comic strips posted online anywhere?

    2. Sorry Ben, right now it's just me going back to basics with my art. But when I get better I might mess around with different things, maybe I'll do a few political/race-based comic strips/t-shirt ideas. I still have a long ways to go....

    3. Go for it! I think I've seen tons of Asian names on comic book covers. There's even a blog written by a guy who's into illustrations:

    4. Haha, I meant like a comic strip. I still haven't figured out what kind of art I want to do yet and I barely know any artists by name. But yeah.. right now it's just me going back to basics. Maybe I'll do that Leonardo Dicaprio thing in Titanic and keep a notebook of me randomly drawing girls/girl parts (non-sexual). People will either think I'm a creeper or maybe it'll help me get laid. Who knows hahaha

  3. Ggood point about the war brides, Tommy. I can't believe I forgot all about that. lol

    Where are some of the good old Rambo complex in my skit? Maybe the sequel?

    On a more serious note about racial demagoguery, I hope you guys are aware of the Vincent Chin event on Jun 23rd:

  4. My two cents.

    It's more than just the culture. Overcoming any stereotype/paradigm involves also changing yourself as an individual.Each person (guy in this case) as different experiences and has *slightly* different ways of viewing the world. Utilizing his gift(s) to their fullest potential and usage will not only grant him women - but also the tools, willpower, and strength to destroy stereotypes that had/have burdened him in the first place.

    It's only through this "actualization of self" can we truly be true to ourselves as men (and women too) and shake off any image that is given or forced upon us.

    I'm not saying to ignore outside forces (stereotypes, etc.) No, keep those on the radar. But the important thing here your own being.

    For example: I do martial arts - sure it's an Asian stereotype. But hell, if this path makes me (or leads to me being) a badass then so be it!

    1. Drew

      I agree 500%. And I hope that what you have eloquently stated is implied in what I wrote in the post.

      There are countless ways to bring your influence to bear on a culture - but the first step is always (like you said) a personal one of actualization.

      This means that we can change culture on a micro level (as in by affecting those we meet in our every day lives) or a macro level (by producing genuine and honest cultural works).

      So the Korean immigrant who has gone into the ghetto and made friends and employs the child of his neighbour is changing culture in the same way that a film-maker who offers honest insights into America's negative attitudes towards Asians by presenting a realistic portrayal of Asian people.

      Both are equally important, and both processes start with personal actualization.

      Thanks for that great insight!